The GardenDespatches from The Satyrs’ Forest

Stuff i watched recently, December ’24

GoodFellas (1990)

The first time i’ve actually enjoyed a Scorsese flick.1 I love how it uses music to illustrate the main character’s psychological decline. (8/10)

Evil Dead 2 (1987) (again) and Army of Darkness (1992)

Watched as a double feature for the Hallowe’en season — Evil Dead 2 is as funny as ever, and all you need to know about Army of Darkness is that it’s a film where a stop-motion skeleton explodes, and if that doesn’t sell you, it’s not for you. (I did find myself wishing i’d watched the theatrical cut, rather than the director’s cut — the studio-mandated happy ending has so many iconic bits i didn’t realise i was missing!) (7/10)

Synecdoche, New York (2008) (again)

In honour of Megalopolis2, Tyneside Cinema were doing a season of films with dizzying ambitions and variable results, from Southland Tales to Synecdoche. I jumped at the chance to finally see my favourite film on the big screen — and, yep, still a certified 11/10 masterpiece.

Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)

I have a “hear me out”. (7½/10)

Poltergeist (1982)

Steven Spielberg did not technically direct this, but come on now, we all know this is as spiritually Spielberg as it gets. Some fun stuff, especially the motley crew of paranormal investigators, but it’s weighed down by the jarring tonal mish-mash and a glued-on fourth act where they seem to have suddenly realised they forgot a “0” in their special effects budget. (5½/10)

The Fisher King (1991)

I knew absolutely nowt about this going in, so when Robin Williams showed up, it took some time for me to mentally adjust to the combination of his zaniness, Jeff Bridges’ shock-jock sleaze, and the trademark layer of Gilliam grime coating it all. All of it comes together beautifully in a surprisingly good-hearted fantasy tale of big-city redemption. (8/10)

Juror №2 (2024)

I had bought the tickets and everything for Clint Eastwood’s final film — but it was the day after the U.S. election, and fifteen minutes in, i thought, cripes, do i really want to be sitting through a drama about the dysfunction of the American legal system right now? (N/A/10)

AI: Artificial Intelligence (2001)

There’s nothing i love more than a big, ambitious, messy film, and this hits all three. You can see the joins between the Kubrickian rigour and Spielbergian spectacle, but i don’t care. Viva the mess.

Haley Joel Osment is incredible in this. You can totally see why Kubrick thought no child actor could ever pull off the script.

All the tech has this glorious early-noughties Orion’s Arm-style shimmer and sheen to it, and let me tell you, i live for that shit. (9/10)

Summer of Sam (1999)

I kind of forgot i even watched this? (3/10)

🎵️ Caroline Polachek - Desire, I Want to Turn into You (2023)

Favourite tracks: “Welcome to My Island” (especially the George Daniel remix), “Blood and Butter”, “Billions”. (7/10)

Se7en (1995)

It’s good. I have little more to say on the matter, except that the title is pronounced /sə.ˈsɛ.və.nən/. (8/10)

The Lighthouse (2019)

This is some kind of primordial film, one that you’d find washed up at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, and six months later, radiocarbon dating would show it to be older than civilisation itself. (Very glad i had subtitles — those old-timey wickie accents don’t mess about.)

Also, Robert Pattinson is really, really hot in this. No man has ever been this Fucked Up. (10/10)

Wicked (2024)

I didn’t know Hollywood still had it in it to pull out all the stops for a big, colourful show-stopping musical like this. Ariana Grande stole the show, but the goat stole my heart. (9/10)

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