The GardenDespatches from The Satyrs’ Forest

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Links for the 14th of August

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High Force

¡ Tagged as County Durham, visits, waterfalls ¡ Leave a comment

Nestled amongst County Durham’s moors and Pennine peaks lies England’s mightiest waterfall. The waters of High Force tumble over 22 metres and 300 million years of stone, down into the plunge pool below. The falls were formed where the river Tees meets the Great Whin Sill, a tough slab of igneous rock covering much of the north of England.

When the water level is high enough, the force splits into two streams, one going the other way around the rocks — after storms, it can even overflow the plateau entirely. Alas, despite recent showers, my group were not so lucky.

The Raby family, owners of the estate, charge £2 to see the view from the base of the falls. The falls tower over any mere human who dares navigate down, demanding one’s respect and attention… and making it unmissable that, at the top of the falls, there are several people who walked their on their own via the Pennine Way, not having to pay a single dime. Drat.

Information for visitors

  • Address:
    High Force, Forest-in-Teesdale, Barnard Castle, County Durham, DL12 0XH.
  • Getting there: Public transit connections are few and far between this far into the countryside, so your best bet is to take a scenic drive via car through the Pennines and the nineteenth-century village of Middleton-in-Teesdale.
  • Price: The Raby estate charges ÂŁ2 to access via the bottom, but the top can be freely accessed by a hike along the Pennine Way.
  • Opening times: 10:00–16:00.
  • Accessibility and facilities: The trail is not, to my knowledge, wheelchair-accessible. The site contains toilets and a hotel for anyone wanting to stay the night.

July 2021 recap

· Tagged as Fargo, Inside №9, links, monthly recaps, Paddington, The Big Lebowski · Leave a comment

The month of July is almost over, so it’s time for the traditional wrap-up of all that happened.

On the nineteenth of the month, with just over half of our population fully vaccinated against the virus, England finally opened up and embraced full covid anarchy, come what may. For me, the primary feeling was an overwhelming sense of relief: no more having to suffocate myself with a mask at the shops, no more will-they-won’t-they, just… getting on with life.

I’ve taken the opportunity that is the unlocking to (vaguely) plan a series of posts which may come to this blog in the near future. Keep your eyes peeled!

Films and TV watched

The Big Lebowski — A film about three dudes who just want to bowl. I have heard great things about this film since roughly the moment i clicked on the “Internet Explorer” icon for the first time, and i can’t help but feel i would have enjoyed it a little more had it not had all the hype about it. It’s an excellent film, and one i’ll be rewatching soon, but i suspect years on the internet inflated my expectations to an unreasonable extent. (Very good/10)

Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

Paddington — Watched with some friends over Discord. A fine family film, and a decent contender for the dictionary definition of “wholesome”. We could all strive to be a little more like Paddington Bear. (Hard stare/10)

Fargo — A film about a man who just wants to sell a used car. A great black comedy thriller with even better accents (oh yah). (Super/10)

What’d this guy look like, anyway?
— Oh, he was a little guy… kinda funny lookin’.
— Uh-huh. In what way?
— Oh, just a general kinda way.

Inside №9 — This comedy-horror-drama-plot-twistiness-is-that-a-genre?-probably-not anthology show just doesn’t miss. Almost every episode is uproariously funny, slightly creepy, and has a twist that will leave you with your mouth hanging open at the screen.

Highlights include The Riddle of the Sphinx (the one with the crosswords), A Quiet Night In (the one without the dialogue), Cold Comfort (the one with the Samaritans), Bernie Clifton’s Dressing Room (the one with the washed-up comedians), The 12 Days of Christine (the really sad one), and, of course, their exceedingly meta live special, Dead Line. (40 tablets/10)

Links for the end of July

Links for the 25th of July

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A map of Noord-Holland

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I had that Mapmaking Itch, but, cursed by bike-shedding paralysis about the alternate history map idea i hadα, i decided to do a little doodle in the back of my journal instead…

A map of North Holland and surrounding provinces doodled on some dotted paper.

Don’t mind the chicken scratch. I would have done some nice coloured shading, but i couldn’t be bothered to go downstairs to fetch the coloured pencils.

Links for the 6th of June

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June 2021 recap

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My apologies for the delay. I knew i’d forgotten something!

Music listened to and TV watched

  • Bo Burnham’s Inside: A strong candidate for my favourite Thing of 2021. It is, frankly, unfair that one man can make me feel so many emotions in the span of an hour and a half — loved almost every minute of it! (That song about sexting does drag on a bit, though…) (A+)
  • Wolf Alice’s Blue Weekend: Bloody brilliant. (A)
  • Beabadoobee’s Our Extended Play: Yeah, this’ll do for new music from The 1975 while we wait for that Drive Like I Do compilation album. (B+)
  • Haim’s Days Are Gone: Didn’t really do much for me. Some alright singles, though! (C-)
  • Porter Robinson’s Nurture: After months of promising i’d listen to it in full when i got my hands on the vinyl, i finally admitted to myself that it was out of stock and i’d have to wait until August otherwise. It’s a pretty good album, but part of me wonders how i’d feel about it if i hadn’t worn the singles to death already… (B)
  • Euro 2020: I’d never really thought myself the football fan type. Nevertheless… come on England!!

Most viewed pages on the site last month

  1. Index page: 256 views
  2. Linkroll: 136 views
  3. The Garden (index page): 65 views
  4. About the author: 46 views
  5. Things to do before i die: 28 views
  6. Music i like: 26 views
  7. What i believe: 25 views
  8. Toaster shade generator: 24 views
  9. Songs i have cried my silly little heart out to: 20 views
  10. There Are Two Continents: 20 views

Most read posts on The Garden (in no particular order)

Links for the 29th of June

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Bog trotters, heart attacks, and a paranoid Auntie

¡ Tagged as the BBC, Joe Ashton, Leslie Spriggs, parliament, politics ¡ Leave a comment

Via Hansard, the official record of British parliamentary business, then–Labour MP Joe Ashton informs us of the sort of nonsense that went on when the government had a majority of minus seventeen:

We used to have a bog trotter. When the Division bell rang, we had a top and bottom bog trotter whose job it was to run around all the toilets to see if anyone was locked in. We had to look under the door for feet and, if seen, we looked over the top. If that person was one of theirs we left him, if it was one of ours, we got him out — if necessary with a screwdriver to unlock the door from the outside. That was the sort of nonsense that occurred when the House divided.

I remember the famous case of Leslie Spriggs, the then Member for St. Helens. We had a tied vote and he was brought to the House in an ambulance having suffered a severe heart attack. The two Whips went out to look in the ambulance and there was Leslie Spriggs laid there as though he was dead. I believe that John Stradling Thomas said to Joe Harper, “How do we know that he is alive?” So he leaned forward, turned the knob on the heart machine, the green light went around, and he said, “There, you've lost — it's 311.” That is an absolutely true story. It is the sort of nonsense that used to happen. No one believes it, but it is true.

[...]

When Parliament was first broadcast, for the first three days the BBC broadcast everything that came through the loudspeakers. It was libellous, it was unbelievably crude, but it was hilarious. The BBC panicked and said, “Somebody will sue us for libel. If it is in Hansard it is okay, but if it is not in Hansard we will be done for libel.” So the BBC stopped broadcasting everything; now, it jams the broadcast so all people hear is, “Hear, hear, hear.” It is terrified of being sued for libel.

This stems from a 1997 debate on the modernisation of parliamentary procedure. More anecdotes from the same speech can be found on the other side of the link.

Notes from a walk through Newcastle

¡ Tagged as Newcastle, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear, visits, Wallsend ¡ Leave a comment

The gorgeous gorge that is the Tyne valley has no shortage of winsome views, but the most beautiful, in my opinion, is that which appears to one who goes down the Side.α In the Monument’s shadow, after passing the classical columns of the Theatre Royal and descending Grey Street as it becomes Dean Street, finally taking a turn onto the Side at the bottom, the lucky traveller will find themself towered over by the behemoth that is the Tyne Bridge:

The Tyne Bridge, a soaring green arch over the river, held up by two hulking sandstone-brick towers.
Photo by Alex Liivet. Licenced under CC BY-2.0.
A rickety old set of stairs leads into an area obscured by overgrown shrubbery.
The rotting wooden stairs, as seen on Google street view.

I’m not sure any photograph can ever match what it’s like to be there under that bridge. One of the most remarkable things about this view, though, has nothing to do with the view itself, but rather what happens if one walks down the Quayside for a little while, reaches an empty brownfield plot, and clambers up a set of rotting wooden stairs to its right. Because, inexplicably, just a few metres from the most beautiful view in town, one can find the second most beautiful view in town, a glorious lookout on every bridge linking the two banks of the river.

Seven bridges across the Tyne, flanked by Newcastle’s old buildings on the right and Gateshead’s modern regeneration on the left.

We don’t deserve this city.

I had initially neglected to bring a water bottle along with me; i had only intended a quick jaunt to the centre of town and back, and the foolhardy idea of walking all the way to Wallsend came to me spontaneously. This quickly proved a bad idea, and so i made a trek up to the corner shop, who thankfully had all the bottled water anyone could ever want or need.

After leaving fully rehydrated and ready to walk back, i noticed the most wonderful little thing. A parklet, this small opening of green space with some benches and inscriptions, tucked between a housing area and a construction site. I took some pictures — i would have loved to show them to you, but alas, my phone got stolen in the intervening time between this trip and me writing this post, taking the photographs with it.

Nevertheless, if you’d like to visit (or live vicariously through Google street view), it’s that little park adjacent to 5 Belmont Street. (Google stubbornly refuses to give a proper address, but you can’t miss it!)

An *exceedingly* evil looking office building next to a gigantic white cube bearing the logo "TechnipFMC".

An account of my thought process upon seeing the above building complex:

  • That building looks exceedingly evil, but i can’t quite place my finger on why…
  • I’m going to look the company up.
  • Ah, a fossil fuel company — they are evil!

Just a few yards ahead, crossing a foot-and-cycle bridge, i happened upon some strikingly relevant graffiti, alongside some other pieces which really sum up the modern English psyche: an Extinction Rebellion poster, a crossed out “EDL”,β and a cock and bollocks.

Graffiti on a blue bridge wall. Left to right: An XR poster saying 'Act Now', 'Kyle', 'EDL' (crossed out), 'Erok', 'FLK', and a cock and bollocks.

I carried a record from HMV (the Killers’ Hot Fuss, if you must know) the whole way, and let me tell you, my arms were positively aching by the end of it! At least i had a bag…γ

To sign off, here are some photos whose stories weren’t interesting enough to make the cut, as well as a map of the journey. Thank you for reading this disjoint mess.

  • Looking down a set of steps surrounded by trees, onto the river.
Top left to bottom: A picture looking downwards from shortly after the second best view; a nice view of the AkzoNobel factory on the opposite bank of the river; some tower; and the literal wall’s end of Wallsend.

Links for the 18th of June

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