Pleased to say that the new 1975 album is indeed the greatest album ever made.
Posts in EnglishPage 12
Shatner on space
I was originally going to post this excerpt from William Shatnerâs new memoir, printed in Variety, alongside the usual link roundup, but something about it touched me enough to give it its own post.
Mr Shatner, in his own words, on his first trip to space:
I continued my self-guided tour and turned my head to face the other direction, to stare into space. I love the mystery of the universe. I love all the questions that have come to us over thousands of years of exploration and hypotheses. Stars exploding years ago, their light traveling to us years later; black holes absorbing energy; satellites showing us entire galaxies in areas thought to be devoid of matter entirely⌠all of that has thrilled me for years⌠but when I looked in the opposite direction, into space, there was no mystery, no majestic awe to behold ⌠all I saw was death.
I saw a cold, dark, black emptiness. It was unlike any blackness you can see or feel on Earth. It was deep, enveloping, all-encompassing. I turned back toward the light of home. I could see the curvature of Earth, the beige of the desert, the white of the clouds and the blue of the sky. It was life. Nurturing, sustaining, life. Mother Earth. Gaia. And I was leaving her.
[âŚ]It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered. The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness. Every day, we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of Earth at our hands: the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna ⌠things that took five billion years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again because of the interference of mankind. It filled me with dread. My trip to space was supposed to be a celebration; instead, it felt like a funeral.
Upon returning to earth, and trying to put his story into words for the first time, he was, as you may remember, bluntly cut off by Jeff Bezos, asking for more champagne:
Mx van Hoornâs link roundup, volume XIII

I suppose itâs only fair that the first roundup of October is spooky number thirteen, and weâre starting things off with a suitably spooky link:
- Why is a mysterious voice haunting the intercoms of American Airlines flights?
- The closely guarded secret of the New York Timesâ Yiddish translator
- Holy shit, they found silphium! I hope some day, many years down the line, when cultivation comes to fruition, we can all finally taste this ancient spice.
- John Green explains why his first non-fiction book suddenly became a hit with old people [4âł]
- The Hummingbird Clock, or, using the grid to investigate misdeeds
What does AI make of the Gods?
I recently bought 1000 imagesâ worth of credits on DreamStudio â a machine-learningÎą-powered art generator â on a whim and, after the requisite âBoris Johnson taking a bath of baked beansâ joke entries, i thought it would be an interesting test to get it to generate some images for my shrines (on- and offline).

My motivations were twofold: first, due to copyright constraints, all of the icons adorning these shrines were either old baroque paintings or freely-licenced photos of even older marble statues, which didnât necessarily represent my mental image of the Godsâ appearances â a topic which, of course, will vary massively from artist to artist and culture to culture. Second, i thought it would be a fascinating experiment to see how this machine learning algorithm, which has taken in hundreds upon thousands (perhaps millions; iâve not checked) of images, views the Gods in its latent space. Just as it has a prototypical idea of a âdogâ and a âcatâ, surely it also has one for âGodâ and âDionysosâ.

As is tradition, we begin this article with Hestia (although Her portrait was actually the final one to be generated). On the broad strokes, my computer collaborator knocked it out of the park â but a closer look reveals some glaring imperfections in the face and hands, a theme which weâll be seeing a lot of (and which i sometimes managed to harness to my advantage).

I should note that iâm not just feeding it theonyms with no added context: the programme works best if you help it along to your goal with a heaping of adjectives and descriptors, say, to tell it that this is indeed meant to be an artwork (â4K ultra HDâ, âtrending on ArtStationâ), the details of the pose and background you want (âblonde hairâ, âraising His hand to the skyâ), or the style and artists you want it to take from (âbaroque painting by Thomas Coleâ, a prominent painter of beautiful, well-lit landscapes). If you calibrate it just right, it can make some genuinely beautiful stuff, like the above picture of Apollon (which i did, admittedly, have to manually touch up to get rid of a prominent Habsburg chin).

It may be an immensely powerful tool, but DreamStudio can also be rather prudish.β It blurs out any images it thinks might contain the utterly offensive sight of the genitalia with which we are all born, which can be a real problem if the relevant pictures itâs learnt from are all Greek and Roman statues â not exactly works known for their nether modesty. The detection software isnât perfect, though, and sometimes, like in this portrait of GĂŚa, it lets a few slip past (perhaps because of the greenish tone with which i instructed itÎł to portray Her skin).

The algorithm sometimes has issues with more complex prompts, for it is just a machine, and doesnât actually understand that âball on top of a red boxâ means that the ball indeed should be on top of the box, as opposed to by its side, beneath it, or fused together in a horrific amalgam. These troubles somewhat manifested themselves in the above portrait of Hermes; the winged cap He is traditionally depicted with has transformed itself into both a crown and a hulking pair of soaring, fleshy wings emanating from His shoulders, and the recognisable caduceus has been reduced to a bamboo stick by His side.
Perhaps itâs just the style i instructed it to paint in â sixteenth-century European paintings arenât renowned for their diversity â but DreamStudio also has some real trouble with darker skin tones. You can cry âdark skin, dark bronze skin, dark skin, dark skin, dark skin, blackâ all you want, but the only thing that can consistently get it to generate anything a shade below the average Spaniard is âAfrican Americanâ, which tends to bring along a heap of other associated physical changes besides just skin tone. (I have to say, i donât particularly envision Hermes as the eponymous Futurama character in my head.)

It also has quite some trouble with arms and legs. Originally, i thought of its odd morphings and multiplications as a bug to be stamped out, but i came to see them as a feature, representing the manifold, varied aspects of the Gods, their omnipresence, transcending the limits of human form. (This is also why the Hindus do it, if i recall correctly.)
I would have rather the above portrait of Hermaphroditos been slightly more, ah, gynomorphic around the chest, so to speak, but iâd been trying to get a decent pose for what felt like an hour and i didnât feel like fighting the blur anymore.

So then â itâs a bit off in places, and lacks the leopard-skin toga i would have liked, and lord knows what the objects Heâs holding are meant to be, and it turned out the computer really, really, struggled with the basic concept of a faun or satyrâs legs, but we end this post with DreamStudioâs interpretation of an icon of Dionysos, framed by some beautiful landscape.
Navigating through the neural netâs knowledge and limitations has been a fascinating, illuminating exercise, which has left no doubt in my mind that âAI artâ is, indeed, just that: art. It seems to me much more comparable to something like photography than painting: rather than doing the hard work by hirself with brush strokes and pencil lines, the artist guides hir computer collaborator through latent space, pressing âclickâ when sie finds something appealing. One can only hope the Muses would approve.
Mx van Hoornâs link roundup, volume XII

- Everyone working at this mammoth deĂŤxtinction company looks exactly how i would expect someone working at a mammoth deĂŤxtinction company to look.
- The numbers pool and the ultimately large telescope
- I would say âshut up and take my moneyâ to this cyborg ankle bracelet if only they listed a price tag of any sort â if this isnât vapourware i want one so badly. From the people who brought you the magnetic north organ
- Who scratched the word âPRAYâ on every phone booth in New York in the seventies?
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The Youtube rabbit hole:
- Are you gnomepilled yet? (14â˛)
- Justin Whang presents The game composer who was caught faking being deaf (21â˛)
- Roasting every state welcome sign (24â˛)
- Jet Lag is back, and theyâre playing a game of tag across Europe! (26â˛)
The Elizabethan era

I donât remember finding out that Britain had a Queen. Itâs one of those basic, primal facts you learn before you even enter primary school, in âMy First Dictionaryâ books and little picture stories â this is a cat, this is a dog, and this is the Queen.
My mother didnât either. Even my grandmother was just a bairn when Elizabeth came to the throne. Our family have lived our entire lives never knowing anything else â she seemed like such an immutable constant of British life, an unchanging, unmoving symbol of a country constantly in flux.
Of course i knew it couldnât be forever. The Netherlands had already gone through this when Queen Beatrix abdicated and all the shops out up cheeky advertisements about the national holidayâs change from Koninginnedag to Koningsdag. But then, she abdicated, didnât she? William-Alexander didnât have to wait until his mother died to get her old job. Such is the unique cruelty of the situation His Majesty Charles III â a title iâll never get used to â finds himself in now.
As Britain leaves the Elizabethan era â from the first televised coronation to a death announced over the internet, from Empire to Commonwealth, an age of immense advancement and change â and enters its third Caroline era, in this increasingly polarised and uncertain time, there is but one thing to say: The Queen is dead. Long live the King.
Some election maps
Iâve been terribly bored recently, and have been occupying myself by trying out a way i came up with of mapping out elections â a compromise of sorts between geographic maps (which donât always show the whole picture) and cartograms (which tend to be butt-ugly).
I chose to map out 2019âs results in the North East to get a feel of things:

New Zealand is relatively small, so i figured it would be the best choice for the first full country:

And, finally, the most recent council election in good old Northumberland1:

The toponymic bankruptcy crisis

Oak Street. Acacia Grove. Orchard Way. These are all streets in my local area⌠and probably in yours as well. And this has to stop.
Tree theme naming is the final vestige of the toponymically bankrupt planner: the man with no connection to his local area, who hasnât an original bone in his body, and who has a pathological fear of causing even the slightest offence or puzzlement to anyone else. The famous roads of Britain â Oxford Street, Northumberland Street, Watling Street, the Great North Road â all have characteristic, descriptive names which reflect their environsâ history. Not so for the pedestrian Elm Streets of the world.
Perhaps this is a uniquely British sickness. In America, they prefer a neurotic obsession with rectilinear grids and similarly plain street names â Main Street, Second Avenue, Fourth Street, and so on until the end of the world â while the Netherlands, where i grew up, is home to a positive cornucopia of diversity in road toponymy. In Almere alone â a planned city with no local history to speak of, the optimum place to give up and resort to arboreal laziness â there are districts themed after musicians (Jimi Hendrixstraat), fruits (Ananasstraat), Gods (Donarstraat), even particle physics (Elementendreef). But in England? Nothing but trees, baby!
We need a complete and immediate moratorium on naming streets in the UK after trees. The urban planners of this perfidious isle would be well-served to do some actual research into the local area, and where that fails, grow a creative bone in their body â for the good of the ordinary citizens of this great isle.
I have to say â thereâs something strangely haunting about this cover of âIdiotequeâ using just the soundfont from Super Mario 64. Those marimbasâŚ
Mx van Hoornâs link roundup, volume XI

- Morbidly fascinated by this study of people who felt an overwhelming lifelong urge to cut one of their limbs off, did so, and were actually quite a bit happier afterwards
- First person video of someone caught in the collapse of a glacier in Kyrgyzstan
- Iâve decided to become an elephant civilisation truther.
- RIP ball pits, too good for this impure world
- The story of the man who lied about designing the U.S. flag
- Wallace and Gromit is terrifying
Finally listening to BjĂśrk at the repeated insistence of a friend, and my word, i think âHyperballadâ might be one of the best songs iâve ever heard.
A walk down Bedlington Country Park
Hello again. Itâs been a while, hasnât it? I went on a nice riverside walk and thought iâd send you some photos. (Look, i was getting desperate and it was either this or a post about why seven is my favourite number.)
Our scene today is the southern end of Bedlington, a reasonably sized and â if iâm to be honest â terribly mediocre town right in the middle of that conurbation in the southeast of Northumberland. Thankfully, weâre not going to concern ourselves with the town centre (a place whose selling points are a Greggs and a void that used to be a Tesco) â no, weâre going down a steep and heavy slope until we wind up on the steep banks of the river Blyth, where the local parish have kindly set up a path. Wonât you join me?
Seeing this, i was simply overcome by the androgynous urge to stomp and plod around in a stream. (Itâs what Hermaphroditos would have wanted.) Alas, my shoes were terribly unfit for such activity, and i had to call it off for another day. A national tragedy!

About halfway down the river, thereâs this small leafy island that some ducks appear to have claimed as their home. I would have admired it further, but i was being shadowed by by a couple with some particularly yappy and aggressive dogs and really just wanted to get the whole predicament over with.

Iâm not 100% sure whatâs going on with the pillar in the middle â itâs about where the path on the opposite side comes to a sudden stop; perhaps it used to be the support for some kind of railway bridge.
I did, i admit, have to trespass on a dam for this view â the ducks, i hope, would never be grasses. Itâs just not in their DNA.

Some incredible visual storytelling here. Someoneâs drawn an owl saying âPeace!â, then someone else has come and vandalised it with a swastika, then someone else went and turned the swastika into something resembling the Windows logo. I donât know where âR.C.â comes into this, but if they were the last fellow, i salute them. Truly, one of the heroes of our time.
(I was somewhat tempted to scribble over it myself and turn it into Loss.jpgâŚ)
Mx van Hoornâs link roundup, volume X

- Who made the music for the Wii homebrew channel?
- Vsauce is back! Did people use to look older?
- Robin Rendle on the joys of analogue photography
- Fuck it, Potato Diet
- In which a group of Tumblr users get together to beautifully typeset and hand-bind My Immortal
- Steven Spielberg used to own a submarine-themed chain of submarine sandwich restaurants
- This tool lets you compare photos taken by Hubble with those taken by the new James Web Space Telescope
- A bored Chinese housewife faked hundreds of years of Russian history on Wikipedia
- Amazing Content⢠as sad covid boy Hank Green eats foods he hates but canât taste
- Which Tory leadership candidate do you support?, a fun quiz for people who hate themselves (I got Tom Tugendhat)
Two wolves

There are two wolves inside of me. One is a fantasy author who will gladly write thirty-word run on sentences until theyâre purple in the face; the other is a copy-editor for the Economist who wants to hack at every sentence until itâs shorter than their last relationship.
I suspect the fantasy author is winning â much as the copy-editor is the one who writes my style guide, theyâd probably be mortified by the liberty with which their counterpart peppers texts with em-dashes and semicolons.1 And anyway â iâm a blogger, not a journalist! I have no requirement to make my writing erudite to the average businessman. (Well, maybe if this site suddenly pivots audiencesâŚ)
One thing iâd like to do at some point, i think, is find a way to synchronise or link up the WordPress comments here on the blog with the jury-rigged PHP comments on the main site. Much as i admire the single-style, chronological blog format, it can be terribly limiting at times â iâd love to be able to post simultaneously here and there and not have people worry about missing out on the discussion.